It’s a vagina Madame, not a clown car.

Had ye ol’ ShameCave looked at today.

(actual image below)

I’m healthy and healing.

I went to my private gyno. She is a brusk north easterner. She was kinder than usual today cause I told her I had THE PROCEDURE. Mind you My Great Pregnancy Panic set in when I called her office 10 weeks ago first and asked for an appointment. When I told the unbearably sassy sectary that i was pregnant she said

“Doctor ____ doesn’t see pregnant women before their 8th week.”

I was so confused by this statement i just hung up. Because of course I wanted to scream out “uh, i don’t want to get to my 8th week!!!.”

I went to her and NOT to planned parenthood because I have a snobbish idea about healthcare. I’m sickly.

I’ve been sick and struck with too much shit at too young an age so I have silly phobias about public clinics and HMOs — ive had some Kafkaesque experiences. All this to say, no fucking way was I stepping into planned parenthood again. They treat you like cattle most of the time.

I had stitches and once and I was always worried that I  infection because the wound tingle and throb for the first months. Well that’s how my uterus feels.

Not the vag, or the ovaries. But i actually feel my uterus  jiggling a bit from “the healing process”

Remember in old cartoons when they would throw a cat in a bag and you could see the bag buldge and writhe from the kitty trying to get out. That’s kind of what it feels like. A couple times a week uterus will be all “BAM!” “BOOM!” “BIFF!”

I’d be lying if I said if that hasn’t made me trigger shy to sex. I get all hot and bothered and then “KABOOM!” And body shuts off.

I would like to be over this by now. I didn’t want to fuck during my pregnancy because I would get motion sickness. Now my shit’s all fragile. Ugh how is it mormons are able to pop out nine kids and still get their hump on?!?

SIDENOTE:

why am i so attracted to this man?