you will find me under the sodden pile of suck. hormone hurricane

you guys, today was the emotional breakdown to end all breakdowns. seriously, this was some 16 year-old-duster-huffing-robert smith-lips-stick smearing-try-meth-just do-to-get-back-at-your-parents motherfucking BREAK DOWN.

i didn’t even think about the abortion except for the fact that the anti-biotics make the stomach a bit crampy. its mostly been centered around the fact that I’m 23 and you know in this place of existential sterility: no advancement and no retreat (OoOooOo put that in your live journal and smoke it! this type of flowery words are brought on by the fact that I am balls deep in Tree of Smoke).

i recieved dozens of emails from women who had ok to not so ok feelings about having an abortion and most of them describe some type of colossal emotional wreckage on the third day after an abortion. And like clockwork, I kept crying at work.Picking fights with friends. Finding reasons to blame people for shit they probably deserve but eh. I can only imagine what this dramatic hormone shift does to people who actually feel conflicted about having an abortion.

No wonder this is the day that all those women found jesus. i only found my pillow, some elliot smith, and a bottle of wine. the good news: i can FUCKING FINALLY ENJOY BOOZE AGAIN!

I will detail the rest of my exciting abortion once the groundswell of emotion has died.
stay posted. its a doozey.