Dear Morphined Out, Baby-Free Me:
Aww what up dog? Can you read this right now? Maybe you should have some one read it to you. This is going to get REAL.
I don’t know how you’re feeling right now because as I type this I am still pregnant and feel like I guzzled napalm because the heartburn is so bad. I can only imagine that you feel relieved and bleedy.
Feels good to have your period again, huh? Don’t you ever curse that shit again, or else it will disappear and your womb will fill with babehs and not blood.
Listen, I want to you remember how shitty this whole thing has been. You’ve been on birth control for ten years, and let’s be honest, you’ve been pretty fucking lax about it the past year. I know, I know, its the weight gain, or the hormones, or the whatever, just shut the fuck and follow the schedule. No more excuses. Or doubling up or taking the pill a day late. Just handle it.
There are three lessons here:
1. You have experienced the delightful and repugnant spectrum of human behavior. Your suspicions about the reactions of your friends and lovers was largely accurate. So the fact is if this happens again, you’ll probably feel as alone, alienated, disapointed as you do now. But don’t forget the absolutely magnificent empathy that has been beamed to you by strangers from across the world. Remember the solidarity and solace you took is spending sickening nights reading emails from women sharing their stories. All the funny nicknames people had for their womb sea monkies. And don’t forget about the Army couple who offered to fly your friend out so she could hold your hand. Don’t ever talk shit on soldiers. Their expierence is as foriegn to you as your abortion is to them. What you have in common is a silent fraternal order of people who have “been in the shit.”
2. Hey, you rose to the occasion. All your feminist theory and lefty parents paid off! You didn’t have any moral doubt or bullshit in your head about this pregnancy. Don’t start to get any now!
3. Mothers are incredible. Seriously, turn your mom throw your arms around and sincerely thank her for being earth rocking fucking goddess of support. Also thank her for putting up with the nausea.
Ok, that’s all, fucking chill out. Tumblr it up. Forgive those close to you who had shitty, cold or confused reactions. Its your thing. You knew that from the begining. You’re awesome. Don’t be so cynical about sisterhood, the ladies were here for you.
TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR BOOBS!! THEY’RE LIKE CELESTIAL MOONS!! Call in sick on monday. Call every one back that you’ve been avoiding next week.
Continue to make jokes about this, if people look at you crossed eyed, fuck em (with protection, skank)