To The Men Who Put the Killer Kidney Beans in our Bellies: Notes on Etiquette
To the Testicle Laden Young Men —
You are a supplicant.
There are thousands of times when partners have equal needs and should communicate them fearlessly.
Now is simply not one of those times.
You have no claim to how or what happens to this woman’s body. What you do have control over is the atmosphere around her. You better make that as easy as possible.
NEVER ASK : “SHOULD I GO WITH YOU?” Don’t put her in that position, to debate whether or not you deserve to be there, whether or not you can handle it, if you will make the situation better or worse, don’t let her feel like you are looking for out. You say this: “I want to go with you.” And that is all you say.
This is not relationship advice. This is practical “what to do when your chick doesn’t want a creature in her belleh”. When this happens you are only there to serve. Financially, emotionally, physically.
This is not punishment, its selflessness.
IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MAN UP.
There are few clear tests of manhood in our post-gender-post-rational society today.
But this is most certainly one of them.
And this one is about a sacrifice.
Put aside your emotions, your visions, desires, and morals out of respect to the woman who has been so kind to let you enter her beautiful luscious bivalve, open and pulsing. Glimmering and deep.
You take your queues from her. If she is a cavalier and calm about it keep cracking the jokes and reassuring her.
If she feels the gravity of the situation expanding around her, try to keep her centered but do NOT invalidate how she is feeling. Here is when you ask a thousand questions. It feels good. Trust me. When all else fails rely on your own curriosity. You have no curriosity about the situation then should stop fucking women.
If you are confused about it and what it all means, think of it in physical terms: your lover needs an invasive surgery on her lady parts. The concern here is the lady parts, the bleeding, the cramping, the sickness she may feel. Any moral dimension to situation is a fiction. You should not impose your morality on her. Or debate her. Try to keep her focused on the physical aspects.
This is no time for paternalism. You do not know her body better than she does. You are a silent partner, chauffeur, and blockbuster bitch. If your lady wants all of Mad Men season 1, YOU WILL FIND IT. If its all rented out you go to Tower Records (RIP) and you shell out the 60 bones for that shit.
Growing up I had all types of vag issues. I would get chronic bladder infections and then had a round of HPV. My father who was in charge of all our medical bills would get tons of invoices from various gynecological clinics all over southern California. All he said to me was ” I have a lot of bills here, are you alright? Is there anything I can do to make it easier on you?” I said no it was cool. He said “Ok, I’m here to talk about it if you want”
Whenever I had a stomach ache, a high fever, or sore throat, I said I wanted to go the hospital both my parents insisted that I go. There was never any question. Even if a 2am visit to the ER was going to do little for my fever, if going to talk to doctor was going to put me at ease they would encourage me to go.
I have come to expect this type of deference from my lover. I have been disapointed. The negoitations that took place over this abortion have broken my heart.