Alone on A-day

I moved across the country from all my family and friends about 6 months ago for work (mistake). The man who put this seed in my belly can’t be in town the weekend I’m scheduled to have my surgery. The other people who I’m friends with in this town aren’t ones I want to hang out with all weekend really. We’re very good friends but that’s a whole lot of intimacy throw on one person. My one great friend who lives here is a dude. And he’s an anarchist. So you know, that’s EXCRUCIATING.

This is what’s making me the saddest. Not that I’m having an abortion but that I live in a city where I don’t have a friend I feel close enough to any one who will hold my hand through the abortion. The most enchanting and empathic girl in the world — my best friend— lives on the opposite coast, lets call her Carrie, and I want to fly her out here so she can play with my hair and watch Law and Order with me. But its logistically difficult and expensive.

I will call one of my less close friends to take me home from the clinic. Then I plan to curl up with The Wire (least girly show ever) and be on painkillers. But I almost rather it be a stranger because I rather have the anonymity that the forced intimacy.

If this town had nicer cab driver’s I’d just pay to have them wait for me outside the clinic. ! Today is the worst day so far and it has nothing to do with pregnancy. It has to be with just being so damn lonely, this whole abortion thing just threw the situation into cold uncaring light.