On Language: The Smoshmortion Clinic

People, we need a new word. Every time I use the word “abortion” I feel like holding up a cultural lightining rod. I might as well be typing “RACE-WAR” or “IRAQI FREEDOM” or “JAKOB LODOWICK”. The term itself is jarring.

When I said it to my handful of confidantes I was all:

“Hey, did you see the new woody allen movie? I need to have an abortion” they gasped!

And they are some pretty enlightened motherfuckers.

I realize it’s because the ladies of our mothers’ generation and our generation fists tighten and fangs show when the term is uttered: We’re ready for a fight.

While I do want to de-stigmatize the word, I’d also like de-politicize it. I’m not making a political statement by getting an abortion. I’m just trying to get unwanted thing out my pristinely young womb!

All alternatives feel equally as crappy

“I’m getting an abortion” – I’m also getting gay married, burning a flag, and becoming a radical Islamic cleric.

“I’m ending/terminating the pregnancy” – ugh I don’t even want to say

“I’m choosing my choice!!” – paging Charlotte York.

I’ve settled on corrective womb surgery.

(by the by, I have two weeks left on the A-day countdown. Due to money and work constraints)