The Stanford Experiment is Happening in my Stomach

So today was the first day I was rocked by morning sickness — which is a total misnomer cause that shit lasts all day.

I thought maybe it was nerves or my medication.

And for the past 48 hours all I’ve wanted to consume is salt. By the bucket full. Namely, pickles. WHAT?!I ate half a jar last night while watching Mad Men.

What the fuck is this?! Next thing you know I’m going to be walking around braless in MooMoo, weeping, shoveling vanilla ice cream in my mouth, while my breasts swell joyous maternal milk. BAH!

Maybe this is all psychological, I know I’m pregnant so I’m subconsciously playing the role I’ve seen on countless sitcoms? Bending to perceived norms?

Pregnancy Cravings Are in a Class by Themselves

Others think a pregnant woman’s preference for certain foods such as salt-laden potato chips is nature’s way of helping her meet her daily sodium quota. However, it’s highly unlikely that cells translate so-called nutrient shortfalls into food cravings. Longing for a particular food tends to distinguish pregnancy food cravings from cravings women have when they are not expecting.

So food cravings are probably all in your head, a product of pregnancy hormones. Hormonal shifts during pregnancy intensify sense of smell (which heavily influences taste) and are powerful enough to affect food choices.

Meta, Meta, Meta, & Lonelygirl 15

That shit was fake.

This isn’t. This is the only time i will Tumble (?) about my reasons for doing this.

1. I spend a lot of time reading blogs. So when I found out i was knocked up I obviously googled “abortion blog”. The shit that came up was absolutely awful and distasteful propaganda. I thought the next time some one googled it this might show up

2. I’m kind of lonely kind of scared. Need a way to organize my thoughts. This just felt natural.

3. I won’t engage in political debate. If you found me in “followers” list is because like any other tumbletard i enjoy reblogging and we’re probably co-followers on another tumblr i have — the one that’s not related to my womb.

Planned Parenthood, It's kind of like Baghdad

Je-zus.

Went into get confirmation of the fact that I’m pregnant as fuck (confirmed!)

And I wasn’t feeling alot of anxiety about the whole thing until I got there. That shit is on lock like a fucking Iraqi roadside check point. You have to turn in your phone, ipod, laptop, any electronic device. Bulletproof glass, crazy surly ARMED gaurd, bullet proof door that keeps you out of the waiting room. Once you walk into the waiting room a cool air blasts you and bossa nova starts playing. Surreal. I was tense the whole time i was there.

I also peed on my hand instead of the cup. That’s the 4th time that’s happened.

The doctor was shitty.

The pro-life playlist. Movies that aren't so hot on abortion.

I might as well channel my anxiety into a netflix queue

1. Look Who’s Talking — Bruce Willis as a talking baby

2. Nine Months —before you found Juliane Moore to be likeable

3. The Opposite of Sex — The Juno of the 90’s

4. Waitress — “I don’t want Earl’s baby Pie”

5. Cheaper By the Dozen —Really? After 9 kinds no one decided to pop in a diaphragm?

Mandatory Counseling and Morphine

Decided to go with the surgical. The twilight deal sounds like a soothing option and at Planned Parenthood they put you in a recovery room for a few hours after. you can sleep off the sedation and be monitored by doctors. They also have a mandatory counseling session before the operation which is pretty condescending. Meh.

These are my options. None sound good.

I’m at 5 weeks. Right at the cutoff where I can take the abortion pill or not. On the 6th week it becomes less effective. The 7th week is a nonstarter, you have to go surgical.

1. The Miscarriage Pill (Medical Abortion): $ 375

• I go to the doctor take one pill. Bleed and cramp. And expel whatever is up in the uterus.
• Then two days later I go to the doc to see if my womb is zygote-free. It most likely won’t be so then I have to put a suppository in my cooch. More bleeding and cramping. The miscarriage will be complete 1 hour to 6 DAYS later.
• Two weeks later the doc makes sure the pregnancy has been terminated. If it hasn’t then I have to do the surgical procedure.

2. Something Made of Steel In My Cooch and in my Womb, Morphine (Surgical Abortion)

Xanax and Tylenol Cocktail for pain: $ 425

“The Twilight” sedation (A term applied to the combination of analgesia and amnesia produced by a mixture of morphine and scopolamine): 525$

• The doctor will sedate me then dillate my cervix (I still understand how that part works) then the doc will suction out the pregnancy.
• I won’t see any of the tissue but I will hear the equipment operating. I will feel some cramping during the suctioning, this cramping may be mild or severe.

Morphine and Amnesia sounds nice.

Here’s a great side by side comparison of each method. Really helpful

Things I need to figure out

1. Does my insurance cover abortions?

2. Is there a more pleasant, less politically charged term I can use than abortion?

3. How far along am I?

4. Can I just use the pill?

I’m not freaking out yet. I hate whenever some mistake I make puts me in a hospital. I’m dreading the idea of getting a vacuum in my vadge more than any moral ramifications. Or existential traumas. As much as I want to be casual and calm about this the gravity of it keeps expanding.