October 2008
6 posts
regrets on overshare: you simply have to love the...
insecure self-effacing me: i switched it to private because I was so embarrassed about this whole thing. I had made the mistake that a thousand girls had made.
acerbic, brutal male: you believed that the guy would pull out?
me: not the abortion, the overshare.
me: HAHAHHA oh my god.
To hell with all that: Archives are back
Pretty emotional from re-reading them. I will explain my reasons for unlocking them and all that some other time. There’s a whole paradox to this of course. I would to like to live in a place where abortion isn’t such a polarizing, seemingly life-changing event. It wasn’t for me. Not at all. I’ve been in more pain and anguish from a twisting my ankle. The pregnancy was...
Abortion Recovery Kit!
A fellow lady who had corrective womb surgery and I came up with this. I had a few friends send care packages and it was the greatest thing. It made me feel so loved and proud. If you wanna tell your lady that she’s the cunt-loving master of her sexual universe I suggest putting together something like this. (Or if you wanna prepare these things yourself like I did)
First you’ll...
It's a vagina Madame, not a clown car.
Had ye ol’ ShameCave looked at today.
(actual image below)
I’m healthy and healing.
I went to my private gyno. She is a brusk north easterner. She was kinder than usual today cause I told her I had THE PROCEDURE. Mind you My Great Pregnancy Panic set in when I called her office 10 weeks ago first and asked for an appointment. When I told the unbearably sassy sectary that i was...
September 2008
43 posts
Recovery Room: The Deluge
I was cheerful and high.
The recovery room was not at all how imagined. It was communal. Instead of beds their were chairs. Looking back now i realize that it looked exactly like a nail salon. Two rows of oversized recliner chairs, silent women, and chatty asian ladies at their feet.
Every one was very quiet. When the nurse took my vitals she asked me how I was feeling I said “I am fan...
Climax
The young, fresh-faced Ethopian doctor walked in, shook my hand and completely ignored my tears. Told me to just lay down.
The sedation, the procedure, my feelings, anxieties, were clearly not up for discussion.
This is where you succeeded, Planned Parenthood. It was total go time. Once you made it into that room you weren’t going back. This was the best possible thing that could have...
My Pu55y is Magic. Watch. →
It’s worth it. It will make your middle tingle.
This is actually why I've always hated Ben Folds.... →
Seriously though, put the beer down for a sec.
One of the reasons I didn’t drink is also because I wanted to avoid a scary miscarriage. I was afraid the second I got sloshed my womb would be like “ok, fuck THIS”
and splooooog.
Why Avoid Alcohol? Baby Steps!
I’ve mentioned a couple times that only this weekend was I able to get my drink and my step on again.
Lot’s of email asking why I couldn’t calm my nerves with the salty whore known as booze during the pregnancy.
No other reason except the fact that I couldn’t keep it down. I couldn’t smoke either. Everything that wasn’t salty broth made my stomach swirl and...
2 tags
Panic at the disco
After the mandatory counseling session, came the screechy, wrinkly, yenta, morphine counselor: Dr. JewyGoldenBergSteinBlatt. She was a terse cunt. Her job, I think, was to counsel me on the effects of the sedation. She would smack her lips in between talking and cock her head to the side. Pursing her little lamprey mouth while I spoke.
In a snippy tone she “explained” :
...
3 tags
1 tag
Shucks: Places, People! Curtain in 5!!
I keep trying to blog about the actual “procedure”. But I’m just getting too emotional about it. In small part its due to the fact that the final room they put you in, alone, before you get the hose was terrifying. Its in there that I totally lost my shit and started hysterically crying and shaking because I was so afraid of the pain and complications. (I’m very sensitive...
3 tags
Really? Fucking pull it together, brain! Creating...
Not sure when this happened but the day after the abortion I woke up with a really nasty giant bruise on my upper thigh.
No idea how it got there.
Then two nights ago, I dreamt that I was lying on my back and I felt an awful pain all through my thigh.
I lowered my pants and found the whole inside of my fleshy thigh was DARK, DARK black and blue with splotches of neon (pink, green, yellow). It...
“Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. ...”
– Garrett Hardin
3 tags
Mandatory Abortion Counseling, A Lesson in...
So I’m on hour three.
I can’t step outside because THERE IS A PRIEST ON THE HIS KNEES PLAYING GUITAR AND A WHOLE CONGREGATION OF SCRAWNY WHITE FOLK READY TO POUNCE ON ME WITH PRAYER. CAPS. LOCK. FOR. EMPHASIS.
Women we’re essentially held hostage inside the clinic because of these righteous fucks. If you stepped out of the door you we’re approached by the foot soldiers of...
“She’s gleefully blogging the countdown to her abortion, and she’s...”
– —Nerve.com
Horrifying? Gleefully? You know if my iPhone was waterproof I would go wrist deep and take a picture of the former zygote’s malicious wiggling toes. And then an after picture of me in the recovery room busting the “this guy” move.
But I’m just too classy...
The Weight: Abortion Day Part Two!
I live in an “urban enclave.”
I went to a public clinic.
I have no idea why I was surprised I was the only non-black lady in the room. There was a lot of big, pissed off looking moms and shivering girls. For some reason I expected to see nervous girls who looked like Barnard students. Every now and then hippie white women in their pro-choice t-shirts would walk through the waiting...
“With humans it’s abortion, but with chickens it’s an omelet.”
– George Carlin
you will find me under the sodden pile of suck....
you guys, today was the emotional breakdown to end all breakdowns. seriously, this was some 16 year-old-duster-huffing-robert smith-lips-stick smearing-try-meth-just do-to-get-back-at-your-parents motherfucking BREAK DOWN.
i didn’t even think about the abortion except for the fact that the anti-biotics make the stomach a bit crampy. its mostly been centered around the fact that I’m...
“Rational arguements generally don’t work on religious people. That’s...”
– House.
exceeding energy followed by crushing depression...
what the fuck is this? i keep getting all weepy and scrappy with people?
hormone crash?
Emotional changes. As the pregnancy hormones gradually leave your body, you may experience some mood changes such as mild depression, sadness or irritability over the next two weeks. Severe or long-lasting emotional effects are rare, especially for women who feel certain of their decision and have the support...
Let's get some cocktails and De-brief, Shall we?...
Let’s go chunk by chunk.
The night before, which I imagined would consist of a gin swilling me feverishly writing, answering emails, declaring my relief and conviction etc, etc.
Instead, when my anxiety hits its peak I tend to shut down and sleep. Afraid to answer the phone or click open an email because I’m afraid the flood gates will open and I will just get suffocated by a tempest...
and then she ran to prayer group with excitement...
Timid Evangelical 17 Year Old: Is there is anything I can say to make you change your mind?
Me: Are you jewish?
TE17: um, no
Me: Find me a jew. Find me a jew to talk to by 1 pm today and I'll call this whole thing off. Do you have a jew on speed dial for this type of thing?
TE17: I will pray for one.
Dear Morphined Out, Baby-Free Me:
Aww what up dog? Can you read this right now? Maybe you should have some one read it to you. This is going to get REAL.
I don’t know how you’re feeling right now because as I type this I am still pregnant and feel like I guzzled napalm because the heartburn is so bad. I can only imagine that you feel relieved and bleedy.
Feels good to have your period again, huh? Don’t you ever...
To The Men Who Put the Killer Kidney Beans in our...
To the Testicle Laden Young Men —
You are a supplicant.
There are thousands of times when partners have equal needs and should communicate them fearlessly.
Now is simply not one of those times.
You have no claim to how or what happens to this woman’s body. What you do have control over is the atmosphere around her. You better make that as easy as possible.
NEVER ASK :...
Hey, it ain't no big thang
I got an email from a medical type who suggested that after they remove the embryo to ask to look at it because so many women are surprised to see how small it is. Just a clump.
Knowing me I’ll be so whacked out on morphine I’ll probs ask the doctor to laminate it or if i can “reblog it”.
Anyways, I’m going to do it. Maybe I’ll bring a quarter and try to get a...
Dear This Pregnancy,
I don’t know what I ever did to you, This Pregnancy, but you’ve picked the wrong woman.
You’re trying to fist-fuck me with this shit and are showing no remorse. Your merciless tactics will not go unpunished. I will qualify this war in the harshest of terms.
There is no moral component of this situation to me. You have invaded my sovereign womb and have poisoned me with your...
Fact
I have twice as many chins as I had two weeks ago.
I promised the Moms that I would stop Googling things. And I will because the weight gain is always tied into the fact that this creature is popping out a new limb or some shit. Let’s just all hope that when I go back to not eating dairy and not working out I will shrink back down.
But let me tell you something my boobs are just massively...
The A-Bomb
The air the I breathe seems to carry no oxygen in it, only a thick sludge. The first four hours of every morning these past 7 days has felt like a biblical hangover.
Is the “nausea circle” a ring in Dante’s inferno? It should be. I’m going to toss that in between the people who have to eat their own shit and the sad, spooky, unbaptised babehs.
I also have constant...
Not afraid to be servicey!: Why the wait on that...
A couple people emailed me asking.
One woman accused me of prolonging this just so I could keep the blog going. LOL, people, mad LOLerskates. I have tons of other things about my vagina that I could blog about. I mean have you guys heard about my vagina? Wars have beem fought over it. Massive monuments in large city squares bear my vagina’s likeness. My vagina is considered so pure, so...
Secrets of the "Clean Out My Ya-Ya" Sisterhood
How rad are you guys? No seriously, shut up I’m being real right now. Y’all are just incredible. I posted an email address just in case some one wanted to reach out and I got a bunch of super supportive, witty, candid emails from ladies who just wanted to talk about shop about their uteri. Even one lady who offered to adopt “Tumor” (that’s why I’ve named the...
Alone on A-day
I moved across the country from all my family and friends about 6 months ago for work (mistake). The man who put this seed in my belly can’t be in town the weekend I’m scheduled to have my surgery. The other people who I’m friends with in this town aren’t ones I want to hang out with all weekend really. We’re very good friends but that’s a whole lot of intimacy throw on one person. My one great...
Ok! I couldn't help myself!
at the abortion clinic
Miranda: Oh God, Carrie, is this my baby? I mean, what am I waiting for?
Carrie: Sweetie, do you want to leave?
Miranda: No, I can't have a baby. I could barely find the time to schedule this abortion.
August 2008
22 posts
Not Guilt, Just Horror
I feel terror for the first time. Fuck you Google, with your plethora of accessible facts.
This is like finding out you have a tumor…with feet.
How Big is the Baby at Seven Weeks Pregnant? During pregnancy week 7 your baby will grow tremendously, up to 13 mm in length! Your baby is much closer to the size of a large blueberry or small grape by 7 weeks pregnant than a pea.
Your...
